Season 6, Chapter 11 | Red vs. Blue

Season 6, Chapter 11 | Red vs. Blue


Dear Director, Do your “creative solutions” include the circumvention of the safety protocols that every member of the military must follow? If they do not, then I fail to see how an enemy has managed to secure not one, but several of your experimental AIs. The protocol is not a “guideline” dear Director; It is doctrine. And NO ONE is above it’s rule. Grif: OH GOD OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, OOOH GOD! Church: Oh. My. God! That guy got fucked up! Grif: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! Church: Aw, he lived? That’s bullshit! Sarge: GRIF! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times! Sarge: You’ve got to pay attention in battle! *META hissing in background*
Sarge: You can’t let yourself get distracted by–oh crap, flying Jeep! Simmons: RUN! Church: Well. I guess they’re definitely not working together. Agent Wash: Now that he’s powered up he’s just killing everything. Agent Wash: And we’re next. Sarge: Move it or loose it!! Simmons: Yeah, come on! Scooch! Scooch! Church: Hey! Church: Get out of here Reds! This is our cover! Simmons: What is that thing?? Church: You guys remember Tex? Simmons: Yeah, the girl who kicked our asses all the time? Church: Yeah well this thing is like…eight of her. Agent Wash: It must be at full power now! Church, you and the Reds keep it busy, I’m going to help Caboose. Simmons: Did he say “keep it busy”?? Church: Yeeeeah. Simmons: How the hell do we do that?? Sarge: Looks like Grif is doing a pretty good job already. Grif: Okay I get it! Grif: Stop throwing things at me YOU FUCKING JACKASS!! Sarge: KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK GRIF! Grif: OW! Grif: Okay, that could have taken out an eye! Agent Wash: Caboose! Agent Wash: Are you okay? Agent Wash: Caboose!? Agent Wash: Damnit! Agent Wash: Delta, are you here? Agent Wash: Delta! *Radio tuning*
Agent Wash: Church, I have Caboose… Agent Wash: He’s hurt but I’m going to keep him alive with a healing unit. Agent Wash: How are you doing with the META? Church: EEEEEeeeEEii!!! We’re DYING! Agent Wash: Oooh great. Sarge: Hey come on! Sarge: We’ve still got payments left on that thing! Sarge: You better not scratch the paint job! *META hissing* Agent Wash: Hi. Agent Wash: Remember me? *META hissing angrily* *META hissing* *META hissing* Agent Wash: It’s gone! Agent Wash: Damnit! You IDIOTS!! Agent Wash: We almost had it!! Simmons: Almost had it?! We never even hurt it! Church: He means before you got here! Church: We had it crippled, then you guys showed up and fucked everything up! Sarge: Oh yeah, you guys looked like you had EVERYTHING under control before we got there. Church: Hey, up yours Red! Church: I don’t see you doing anything heroic! Simmons: It. Threw. Our. Car. At. Us! Grif: I’m fine by the way! Grif: Just in case anyone’s wondering! Agent Wash: Well! The three of you are staying with us now. Agent Wash: I can’t possibly hope to fight the META in this state with just Church and— Church: Caboose!
Agent Wash: –Caboose!! Church: Wash, what’s the verdict? Agent Wash: I don’t know… Agent Wash: He seems okay… Agent Wash: I think he was knocked out, I just can’t get him to come out of it. *Caboose babbling* Grif: What’s he mumbling? Chuch: I can’t make it out but…I don’t really understand half the stuff he says normally. Agent Wash: This makes no sense. All his vitals check out. Agent Wash: Why can’t I revive him? Agent Wash: Hey do you guys know a medic around here by any chance? All: NO!! Church: Well maybe removing Delta did something to him. Chuch: Like… a……a coma or something. Agent Wash: Yeah but there’s no way to know that for sure. Agent Wash: Unless you have a way to see inside his head. Agent Wash: Prep him for evac, I’ll put in a call to Command and get an extract going. *Radio tuning* Agent Wash: This is Recovery One calling Command, come in Command? Simmons: Hey Blue. Simmons: *soto-voice* Why don’t you do that thing? You know, that thing you do? Simmons: *soto-voice* The ghost thing. Church: Yeah, this guy doesn’t know about that, so… Chuch: I don’t really want to let him know and freak him out… Chuch: Why don’t you go keep him occupied, I’ll see what I can do. Simons: Hey Agent Washington! Simmons: I think it turns out we DO know a medic after all! Simmons: But he’s really far away! Simmons: Maybe if we run around this corner right here we’ll get better reception… Churh: Uuuuggh!! Chuch: I hate coming here. Agent Wash: Hello. Chuch: Agent Washington? Agent Wash: Yes. Agent Washingtub: I am Agent Washingtub. Agent Washingtub: How are you doing Caboose’s best friend? Church: Ooh. Right. Hi Agent Washington. Agent Washingtub: What is this place? Church: This is Caboose’s mind, Church: so everybody here is pretty much as Caboose sees the world… Church: That means everyone is going to either be really happy or… Church:…make no sense whatsoever. Agent Washingtub: I see. Agent Washingtub: That’s valuable information. Agent Washingtub: I will take that information and I will keep it in a special folder marked “SECRET”. Agent Washingtub: Everyone knows that is the best security there is. Church: I see… Agent Washingtub: Don’t tell anyone I told you that. Church: Actually, you act a lot like you do on the outside. Agent Washingtub: I would like to think that’s because I present myself in a very clear and consistent manner. Agent Washingtub: Now, if you will excuse me I need to scare some people who are just trying to help me, Agent Washingtub: and then go fight monsters and robots from the future. Agent Washingtub: FREELANCER POWER ACTIVATE!! Church: Yeah. Okay. Good luck with that. Delta: Hello Church. Church: Delta?! Caboose: *calm voice* Yes. This is my new friend Delta. Caboose: *calm voice* I believe he has information for you. Church: AWESOME! Delta: Unfortunately, I have been taken by the META. Delta: This is merely a memory I left in Caboose’s mind to help you along your way. Church: Well then how are you talking to me? Delta: I am not. I merely used logic to determine what questions you would ask Delta: and what order, then I left the appropriate responses. Church: Oh really? Delta: Yes. Really. Delta: I left this memory in case you found it. Delta: Please tell Agent Washington that “memory is the key.” Caboose: *calm voice* Memory is the key. Church: “Memory is the key” ? Caboose: Memory is the key. Church: What does that mean? Delta: Wash will know. Church: Okay seriously, does it have to be a riddle?? Church: Can’t you just tell me what you want me to do? How hard would that be?! Church: I bet this is your fault somehow. Caboose: I just work here. Church: Well if you’re in the META, then why don’t you just help us from the inside?? Delta: Church, I have to be objective. Delta: The next time you see me… Delta: …I may not want you to help me. Church: Delta? Delta! Wait! Church: “Memory is the key”? Church: What about the META? What about– Grif: Uuuh… dude? Simmons: Yeah, turns out I’m not so good at distracting. Church: Wash…don’t panic, I can explain. Grif: Yeah, see when Simmons was boring you with random conversation about nerd stuff, Grif: He was really just trying to distract you from what the Blue guy here was doing. Sarge: He means explain the fact that he’s a ghost! Grif: Oooh. Right. Grif: Yeah, he can explain that part too. Sarge: Idiot! Simmons: Hello everyone! Simmons: Now that we have our own Youtube Channel Simmons: I’ve taken the liberty of re-organizing everything for a streamline viewing experience! Simmons: Just hit “Subscribe” to put it to use! Grif: You’re supposed to CONVINCE them to subscribe, not put them to SLEEP! Grif: You LOOSER! Simmons: *sighs* Simmons: I hate him SO much.

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