Hello? -Can I help you? -Hi! My class is here
on a field trip, and I’m supposed to interview
someone for a school project. -Okay. You can wait
at that table, and someone
will be here sometime. -But aren’t you here now? -No. -Look, little girl, can we
postpone this for another day? It’s unsettling having you
just sit there. -But my report’s due tomorrow.
-What’s it on? -Why government matters.
-Really? It’s never too early to learn
that the government is a greedy piglet that suckles on
a taxpayer’s teat until they have sore,
chapped nipples. I’m gonna need
a different metaphor to give this nine-year-old. What’s your name, ma’am? -Lauren Burkiss.
-Lauren, my name is Ron Swanson, and I’m gonna tell you
everything you need to know about the miserable, screwed-up
world of local government. -You have mustard
in your mustache. -Don’t sass me, Burkiss. Let’s get started. “Life, liberty, and property.”
That’s John Locke. This is your lunch. Now, you should be able to do whatever you want to
with this, right? If you wanna eat all of it,
great. If you wanna throw it away in
the garbage, that’s your prerogative. But here I come,
the government… And I get to take 40%
of your lunch. [ Crunch, slurp ] And that, Lauren,
is how taxes work. -But that’s not fair.
-You’re learning. Uh-oh!
Capital gains tax.