Caboose: Oh, no, no, no don’t. *explosion* Ahhhh… crap. Simmons: Hm…I need to tell Sarge about this. *activates his radio* Sarge, come in; this is Simmons. *on the radio*
Sarge: Grif, I do not want to discuss this anymore. You need to shower on a regular basis. It’s regulation. Simmons: Sarge, hey Sarge… *on the radio*
Grif: Why? Our suits are ventilated. They push out the stink. Simmons: Grif, Hello…God damn it… *on the radio*
Sarge: You’re just gonna give away our position with those green wavy lines coming off you. Grif: Okay, I’ll shower…occasionally. Sarge: Every day. Grif: Every day?! How can I tell how long a day is?!The sun never sets around here! Grif: Why the hell doesn’t the sun set? *shifts off the radio* Shouldn’t we be talking about that first? Simmons: *walks in*
Sarge: Simmons, how’d the latest reconnaissance mission go? Simmons: Sarge, I have some really exciting news. I just think everyone is going to find this very, very exciting. Sarge: Well, spit it out. Simmons:The Blues…are completely undermanned right now. Sarge: What do you mean by “undermanned”? Grif: What do you mean by exciting? Simmons: It looks like they have received no reinforcements after the last mission. Simmons: I need to double check my numbers, but if it’s just Caboose over there, that means we have a four man advantage. Grif: Oooh…What part do you need to double check? Grif: Is it the part where you counted their guys or the part where you counted our guys, ’cause they both sound really tough. Simmons: Shut up Grif, no one’s talking to you. Sarge: Hmm…This could be strategically advantageous. Grif: Or maybe it was the part where you subtracted 1 from 5. Grif: *sarcastically* Math can be hard, Hey Lopez! Lopez: *walks in* Sí? Grif: Fire up your calculator unit, we got a doozy!
Lopez: *Grumbles* Sarge: He can’t do that, I had to remove that application in order to install a new free app I downloaded. Sarge: It’s a program that could be vital to the morale here at our new base. Sarge: He he, I don’t want to spoil it for you boys, but let’s just say it is hilarious. Grif: Actually, you do need to recount. We don’t have five guys; we only have four. Simmons: We got Donut back.
Grif: You can’t count Donut. Simmons: Why not? He’s unconscious right now, but when he wakes up… Grif: Unconscious? *shows Donut unconscious* He’s been out for three days. I think it’s okay to upgrade him to comatose. Simmons: Well, I think we should count everyone. I’m an equal opportunity counter. Grif: Yeah, because I’d hate to go into battle without *Donut*. Simmons: I mean hell, if I’m counting you as a soldier, I should count the vehicles, some of the bigger rocks we have laying around here… *from sniper rifle scope*
Simmons: Fuck it, let’s give the trash can a gun. Grif: At least I can subtract five and one without double-checking. Simmons: *offscreen* Oh, can you? Ghost Church: Uuuhh, great. I’m sure this will all end well. *walks away* Ghost Church: *walks towards Blue Base*I just can’t believe that those idiots are responsible for my death…Twice! Ghost Church: It’s embarrassing is what it is. *inside Blue Base, it’s up in flames*
Caboose: Oh no fire, that’s bad. Bad fire! Bad fire go away. Ghost Church: I mean if I was killed by an alien or a monster, or you know some kind of sorority blow job massacre, that I could handle. *reaches Blue Base* Caboose: Please stop burning…Nothing else burn! Ghost Church: And look at this, this is my legacy? I mean, what did I do with my life to deserve this? Caboose: I mean it! Ghost Tex: *suddenly appears behind him*
Ghost Church: Church: Uuhh, this is it’s all gone so wrong. Ghost Tex: Well, what are you gonna do about it Church? Ghost Church: Do? What can I do Tex? I’m dead, I’m gone. Ghost Tex: Oh come on Church. They say you’re never *completely* dead if someone still remembers you. Ghost Church: Y-Y-yeah. But look who’s left to remember me. Him? Caboose: *runs out of the base on fire* Oh God, now I’m burning. That’s much worse then other things burning! Ghost Church: Sure feels like being dead. Like all the way dead. Ghost Church: Like somebody encased me in cement and then fired me into the sun dead. Caboose: *still on fire as he runs towards the water* Oh god, why does it keep chasing me? *falls into the water as the fire is extinguished* Caboose: Aaaaahhhhhh…that’s nice. Ghost Church: It’s just a long way back for us. Ghost Tex: Okay. So, then we’re done? Caboose: *walks back into the base* Okay, let’s try that again. But with less fire on me this time! Ghost Church: No, no we’re not done. Ghost Tex: Well if we’re not done, let’s get started. *camera shifts to the sky* Ghost Church: Hey have I ever told you how helpful you are to me? Ghost Church: I mean, you’re so full of fucking wisdom. What would I do without you? Ghost Tex: Mm….I try my best. Ghost Tex: And you have no one to blame but yourself.