Private Donut we want to debrief you now that your tour in Blood Gulch is over. Great! Wait, over?
-I’m just going to ask you some standard questions to rate your
experience and I will be filling out a form based on your responses. Do you understand?
-Yes, sir! Alright. Then let’s begin. During your deployment you were assigned to the Red Team, is that correct? That’s right! You could
tell by my light-ish red armor. I’m a bit confused by “light-ish
red”. Do you mean pink?
-No, I mean light-ish red. Let’s come back to this during the
freeform period. Okey doke.
-Now, as to your experience in Blood Gulch would you say it was satisfactory,
somewhat satisfactory, or unsatisfactory?
-I would say… satisfactory.
-All right. Now I want you to look at this picture.
-Oh, hey, I know where that is. Which of the following best describes this picture? Would you say it is A) the new location
where your team was assigned, B) the source of a mysterious energy
reading, or C)- That’s just where we landed! Where you landed. Can you elaborate? Yeah, we were defusing a bomb by
this guy Omega, but then the bomb went off and it was such a huge explosion that it totally threw us into the future and we landed there in that place. I’m not sure I understand. The future? Sarge said that since we were
surrounded by ice when the bomb went off and then it was all sand, the Ice Age must have ended, and that would’ve taken a really long time. So, it must have pushed us into the future. I… don’t have a checkbox for that so I’m
just going to write down “other”. Yeah “other” works. I like “other”. Well, I suppose there’s no reason to ask
the rest of our questions. Thank you for a very… enlightening
interview. So, then after that they transferred me to that new base. I guess we left before we were supposed to do what they wanted us to. That’s a pretty crazy story, Donut. But when I got there, all I found was a distress beacon from Tucker. It said to get Church. I think Tucker was captured. There was something there. Something scary.
-That sounds scary. Yeah. Hey, this thing sure makes a racket. Who, Epsilon? Yeah, it does that when you
talk to it. It loves when people tell it stories. Especially about things that have happened to us and people we’ve met.
-You’ve been telling it stories? Yeah, you know, to the best of my memory.
-The best of your memory? Yeah.
-I bet those are some pretty weird stories. So, what is it?
-Oh, it’s a memory component from a bigger A.I.that a bunch of scientists wanted to copy to make more but they couldn’t. so they drove it crazy until it developed a
split personality and then they harvested all the different personalities for their experiments. Y’know. Pretty weird. I’m using it, parts from Tex’s body, and parts from Sheila to make a new super best friend, but it’s not going so well. I lit myself on fire. Where did you get it?
-We went on a big adventure, kinda like your adventure, and then we needed help, kind of like you
need help, and then we needed some help and we got help from somebody. It was very helpful. Well, could the person who helped you help us now? Oooh. Oh? Washington! Got a call for you.
A call for me? Who even knows I’m here?
-Came in on your personal secure channel. They routed it to us. You can take it in here if you want. Thanks.
-Three minutes. What? Oh, yeah, okay. This is Agent- Um… this is Washington. Who’s there? Agent Washington!
-Oh dear Lord, Caboose? How did you even find me?
-You are on my computer screen. I just look at it.
-No, I mean-… nevermind. What’s going on, are you okay? I haven’t
heard anything about you. Oh yeah, I’m good. How about you? All things considered, I guess I should be glad to be alive. Yeah…did you get a big medal for beating Project Freelancer? Yeah sure, I’ve got a bunch more metal in my life now. How about you? They gave us shiny new bases! The reds have their place, and I have my own place. It’s kinda cool. I think I’m gonna get a drum set. Yeah… wait, seriously? You have a new base? Well, it’s not “new” new. They gave us the ones that were abandoned for Project Freelancer. They GAVE you a base?
-What, you didn’t get a new base too? No. No I didn’t. Well, you can come here and share my base with me. Oh we need your help! Can you come right away? Can you come help us? I don’t think that’s going to happen.
-Alright Washington, back in your cell.
-Guard, I need to see the commander. Now. Yeah, right. Why the hell would I let you do that? Because I think I’ve just found the
missing piece to his puzzle.