Patton Oswalt – Finest Hour –  Random Powers

Patton Oswalt – Finest Hour – Random Powers


ARE SO CRAZY, THEY–THEY DON’T EVEN– LOOK, I’M NOT SAYING THAT THEY’RE BAD. THEY’RE JUST SO RANDOM. HE HAS THE MOST RANDOM– LIKE ON THE ONE HAND, HE’S GOT THE NECROMANCERPOWERS, WHERE HE CAN DRIVE AWAY DEMONS AND RAISE THE DEAD. OH, WOW! AWESOME! AND THEN OVER HERE, HE CAN TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF FOOD AND MAKE IT INTO… (high-pitched voice) A LOT OF FOOD. WHAT?! (normal voice) DOESN’T THAT SOUND LIKE A–LIKE A POWER THAT ONE OF HIS SIDEKICKS HAD IN EARLIER VERSIONS OF THE “BIBLE,” AND THEN… AS THEY KEPT REWRITING IT, THEY’RE LIKE, “WHY DON’T WE LOSE SANDWICH JOE? WHY DO WE HAVE HIM? IS HE… HE DOESN’T REALLY SAY ANYTHING COOL, LIKE… JESUS IS ALWAYS SAYING ALL THIS COOL SHIT, AND THEN HE POPS IN, ‘WHO WANTS A NICE PITA? HUH?’ ‘IT’S THE FUCKING SERMON ON THE MOUNT, JOE. GO ON. GET OUTTA HERE.’ ‘THEY LOOKED HUNGRY. I THOUGHT I’D POP IN AND…’ “OH, JEEZ. GIVE JESUS THE LUNCH POWERS.”

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