Ann and Chris Are Having a… – Parks and Recreation

Ann and Chris Are Having a… – Parks and Recreation


-I would be thrilled
if we had a boy. I have perfected the art
of shaving the human face, and I would love
to be able to pass that on. -Toy trucks, superhero costumes,
tiny little acorn penis — forget it.
-A weird image, but one that does not diminish
my enthusiasm. Well, Ann Perkins, are you ready
to find out the sex of our baby? -I’m ready. -We are having a… “distributions.” That’s what it looks like,
“distributions.” -Let me see that. It says “Congratulations.”
I think. Then it says, “I leg Smurf.” Are we having a Smurf? -We are having an
“11-jewel toilet.” -I can’t tell what’s words
and what’s punctuation. The suspense is killing me!
-I’m calling Dr. Saperstein. -I’m calling Domino’s. Do you think Domino’s delivers
to this restaurant? I hope so.
-Oh, no. He’s out
for the rest of the day. I have literally
never been more stressed out. [ Knocking on door ] -What could you possibly need
at 6:00 in the morning? -We couldn’t read your writing, and we need to know
the sex of our baby. -I’m watching cartoons
with my son. -Daddy, an Elmer Fudd one is on. Stop it.
What’s up, beautiful? Jean-Ralphio.
I live in the guesthouse. What do you say you and I get
together in a special way? -I’m pregnant.
-The more the merrier. -With my baby.
-You can come too, beautiful. Look at that, I guess sometimes
I call men “beautiful” too. I guess I’m
[singing] open-minded as hell! I think you’re pretty
good-looking. -Thank you.
-Can you just read that and tell us what the sex is,
please? -Wow. It looks like
the chicken that wrote this had a stroke on the paper.
-[ Chuckles ] -Listen, I kind of remember, but I don’t want to say anything
that’s wrong. Give me 15 minutes. I will get dressed,
we’ll go down to my office. Okay.
-Well, have a good day at work today, Daddy. Also, if you don’t know already, there’s a malfunction
with the TV where it keeps ordering porno — like a ton of porno,
like how can someone watch that much porno
in one sitting — only when
you’re out of the house, so if you see it on the bill
that’s why. Okay? -Well, this is it — the final moment. What are you hoping for? -I will honestly be happy
either way. -Me, too. Boy or girl, it doesn’t matter. Because it will literally
be the greatest child who has ever lived. -You swear you have
no preference? -You?
-Not at all. -Who’s ready, raise your hand? It’s a boy! -Yes!
-Yes! I thought you didn’t have
a preference! -I didn’t. I just really
wanted it to be a boy. -Me, too.
I don’t know why. -You guys are just so neat. Would you be interested
in adopting my children? They’re in their late 20s
They’re terrible. No? No go? Huh. I ask all my patients.

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